A LETTER TO MY SON FOR HIS 10TH BIRTHDAY

20190818_175721From the day I knew you would be mine, Kid, I can’t even lie to you, I was a hot mess of emotions. I did not even have my life all planned out, I was still so young to have a baby. But as you will one day learn – you don’t plan Life… Life plans you and you have to figure out what that is and then figure out what to do with it.

Learning you are about to have a child at a young age is no easy feat. I was selfish, self-centered, and thought I knew the world. I was focused on studying, finding who I am, what I wanted to do, and worried about all the things that don’t need to be worried about.  I would soon learn that you would be my life. You would be my drive. You would be my reason. And you would teach me way more things than I could EVER teach you… But even that took some time to figure out.

It was a big scary deal for me. I wasn’t ready when you were born 9 days late. No amount of books or research could have prepared me. What happened when you were born was indescribable. The amount of love that that filled my heart and each fiber in my body the minute I saw your little face was overwhelming. The love I felt for you from day one, the sense of protection and nurture came instinctively from very deep within me and grew exponentially every day. I could spend hours looking at you, and realizing that you have my nose and that part of me is now in you.

At 2 years old, you told me I was your best friend forever.

At 5 years old you said you were a big boy because you were going to big boy school but you still loved me.

At 6 years old you said I was the smartest Mama in the world because I showed you “the easy way to tie your shoes”.

At 7 years old you said you would jump off a wall and kick anyone in the head who tried to hurt me.

At 9 years old, you told me you were going to work super hard in school so that you could buy me a big house and make me proud.

At 10 years old, you tell me not to worry about your birthday not being big because you are all grown up now. This growing up thing is killing me.

A bond between a mother and child is like none other and I never imagined the swarm of emotions that would come with that. I feel your joys. And I feel your pains. I want to guard you from all the crazy in the world and yet I want to see you roam free so you can enjoy the beauty. There are so many things that I want to teach you. So many places I want to show you… But Kid, honestly, the things that I want to show and teach you could NEVER amount to the wealth of lessons, knowledge and insight, beauty, love and inspiration you have instilled in me.

It is my privilege to be your Mom, and I want you to know, there is nothing in this world that makes me more proud, than you.

I want you to know, I need you to know, that you were given to me, as a gift, to teach me what truly matters, and what life is truly about. You taught me how to TRULY love and how to be brave. You taught me how to dream, and how anything is possible. You taught me humility, and courage. You taught me to stand up for what’s right. You taught me that the destination is not always the important part, but rather the JOURNEY we travelled to get there is what’s to be valued. You taught me that patience really is a virtue, but that laughing some things off is just as important. You taught me that, struggles, trials and tribulations will create in us all a strong character and will make for valuable lessons. You taught me what resilience really is by having the courage to be strong and push through all of our struggles with an optimistic mind – for you.

Our life together has not been dramatically difficult. But it hasn’t been all butterflies and rainbows either. And I can only thank you today and until forever for being the awesome little guy that you are, for loving me as much as you do, and for providing a light in our home that helps to keep us all smiling.

As usual, here are a few things I want to say to you as you celebrate your 10th birthday:

  • I want you to know -and I know that you already know- that I love you endlessly no matter what.
  • Don’t change who you are.
  • Don’t change the way you see the world or the way you feel.
  • You can tell by the look in my eyes or the sound of my voice if I am sad or happy. You put your arms around me to make sure I am ok. Don’t stop caring about the people you love and the people around you.
  • Nurture your sensitivity and your feelings, because you can be strong and feel a lot at the same time. This is a good thing.
  • Find your passion and follow it.
  • Be different if that’s what you want to be. Just be and be true to you.
  • Focus and follow through on whatever you want to and sometimes need to achieve. This is important.
  • Now it’s no longer only me teaching you, but you teaching me. I’ve learned so much from being around you and from talking to you.

You truly are my Sunshine…

I want you to always remember… Life is full of amazing things. Always take a minute to smell the flowers by your feet. Feel the Sun on your face. Let the Rain cleanse your soul. Love with all that you have. Laugh with every breath. Live with purpose. Fight for your dreams. Reach for the Stars, Moon and Sun… Believe in you… because I do. And remember, that I will always be here… right by your side… cheering you on.

I promise you that I will hold your hand for as long as you will let me.

Love always & forever – your biggest fan,

Mom.