Oh, 2014. You were quite possibly the toughest year I’ve had yet. Full of unwanted change. Lots of tears shed. Uncertainty. Confusion, anger, grief, fist shaking at the world. Days where I wanted to curl up in a ball and ignore the world. Adjusting to life unfairness, supporting my sister when she needs it, missing my dad, learning to be a friend, bonus mom, daughter, in the face of all this change, even when I didn’t want to. You may be over, but I will carry the changes thrust upon me, the adjustments to my life, my personality, my world views and perspective for the rest of my life.
While you were perhaps the hardest year to get through, there were some triumphs: surviving the pain and more importantly, knowing that I can. And, there were some great moments: me being with my son, visits with friends that filled my heart, finding out that several of my good friends were really good, conquering some things I feared at work, me realizing I’m capable and strong, reading 36 books, turning 26 and not being afraid of anything.
And now, 2015 is upon us, eight days in and nothing feels different. In years past I felt a wave of relief when the calendar changed, but not this year. A simple flip of the calendar doesn’t change what I will forever carry, but it does remind me that I have moved forward, bit by bit, even on days I didn’t want to.
Very rarely have I made a resolution, with the exception of meeting my reading goals that I’ve been able to follow through on 100%. This year I’m setting intentions. Things that I hope will gradually become a part of my life, making me into an improved, well-rounded person. I have them plastered to the inside of my heart and listed in my planner so I can’t miss them, forget and can integrate them slowly but surely.
- Walk 10-15 kilometers a week on working my way up to 20 kms a week (or more, depending on how the year goes). Drink lots of water. Take care of my son and myself more.
- Read 62 books. I’m also planning on using the Book Riot Reading Challenge, thanks to reading about it on some of book-minded peoples’ blogs.
- Take a real lunch hour two days a week. Use this time to read or write, get away from the office, wander around Target, anything but being in the office for 9-10 hours a day.
- Take no crap/put up with no shit. I’m disengaging from things that I can’t stand (and can’t fix), letting go and sticking up for myself.
- Make sure the TV is off at least two nights a week around meal time so that I can engage and enjoy time with my son, don’t turn the TV on just for noise (music instead!), pick up more books, magazines, talk to those around me.
I have a few hopes for this year, too: I can’t list them down.